Wandering Again...

[mystic;]

Vasco::

Watching Lilly made my heart ache. I knew this was my fault. The path I'd chosen so long ago, it would haunt her. Forever. There was no question about whether or not she trusted me. Maybe she had for a moment. But she was smart, and wasn't going to fall into the 'trap' she was sure this was. I watched as the dirt around her turned to mud, staining her precious face and beautiful coat. The leaves above her threatened to blow away as the storm's wind eased them a little farther with every gust. The storm wasn't bad right now, but it would be. Everything in me was screaming, telling me to get her somewhere safer and warmer. Dryer. But would she even come. Her smell was blowing toward me, I inhaled and took in her scent. I would never forget that scent. I stood and crawled out of the bushes and walked cautiously toward her. She could run, or ignore me.... maybe even fight me off. But I hoped she would listen.

Approaching Lilly, I ducked my head. That would show I meant no harm, no threat. If she believed me, maybe she'd trust me enough to come. I knew of a small....well sort of cave nearby. It was very small, and I would probably just let her in and go find somewhere else or maybe wait outside for the storm to pass. It really didn't bother me. The lighting I was sure would come was a little intimidating, but the rain was just annoying. "Lilly..." I asked, dropping my body so I was laying down close to her leaf shelter. "I know somewhere, somewhere dry, where you can stay out of the storm. Just trust me enough to follow me there, and I'll leave you alone. Never speak to you again..." That promise stung at me. It hurt to say it. Sure, I may never speak to her. I'd probably keep tabs on her, watch out for her from a distance. Hide so she couldn't see me of course...

The thought of never seeing her again, never hearing her voice-poisoned as it was with anger so much- it was near unbearable and I didn't know why.

[Lexi]

Lilly was deep in a dream like state. She was shivering from the cold rain that seeped through her fur, and the growing puddle of mud that she lay in. That and the fear that was shaking her body from this horrible dream she so badly wanted released from. He paws twitched until her whole legs seemed to be writhing in pain, a neverending growl rippled through her throat. Or maybe it was a whining plea for help. Her dream, this terrible nightmare was making her relive that night long ago. Vasco's face was so clear in her mind, his eyes piercing her like sharp blades. He was there right there stalking towards her until finally taking her, performing the task all forcers feel they must do to survive. And that's when her whimpers grew. The dream was so real and made her feel all the pain like it was right there and real and happening. A soft voice slowly woke her, and her eyes flickered, tears mixing with the dirty muck that stained her face. But she saw him, his face, and screamed in fright, her whole body tensing so much that she practically fell over, stumbling in the mud as she tried to scramble away. She was too tired, too tired of fighting this fear everytime she went to bed, and collapsed in a fit of tears, submitting to him and letting him do as he pleased. There was no fight left in the poor femme's body, no passion for life. All she felt was pain and fear, and seeing as Reagan, the only thing she lived for, was gone right now, surely planning to defeat this wolf who was his so called father, she had nothing to keep her going.

[mystic;]

Vasco::

Lilly woke, but had not heard me. She scrambled away in the mud, stumbling and crying out. My heart twisted inside me and I was torn between leaving her now and taking her somewhere safe against her will. How I had tortured this poor innocent soul....how had I done those things to her? Had I known her then, I knew I would have never touched her. I would have never hurt her the way I had. She collapsed in the wet filth, giving up. But the way she did it made me think she was giving up on everything. A small whimper escaped me and I stepped closer, so slowly. "Lilly..." the sound I made was like a cry, I barely got her name out. "Lilly, I am so sorry..." I shook my head in quick movements, tiny subtle jerks. I didn't know what to say to her. I could only stare at her. My heart was being constricted, or it felt that way. My airways seemed tight. I couldn't say anything, even if I knew the words I would speak to this female whose life I'd flipped so long ago. Reagan was not here, and I didn't even know where to begin looking for him. But the thought that I must find him, for her, flashed through my mind. But it passed as I continued staring at her. I had to get her somewhere dry.

[Lexi]

Lilly laied there silently in the mud, not moving, in complete surrunder. She could feel the rain beating down on her and just wanted to be warm and try. Turning her soft brown eyes up at him, a thought flashed in her mind. Just to be in a nice warm dry cave with his muscular body and thick fur curled around her. The feeling made her shiver and she cringed at the thought, but yet craved it. Wanted someone close, it had been a long time after all. Her hear perked up at his apoligy and it sounded so sincere to her, like he wanted to cry. She'd give anything for someone to just break down and cry with her. She felt so alone and just the thought of having someone near at the moment made her warm. She would no longer fight him, and if he turned into his old self, she'd just completely give up and die anyway. And that's when she spoke, laying there in the muc surely looking like a mess. "Vasco, take me somewhere warm. Lay with me, cry with me and keep me company. And if you should dare hurt me again, please kill me in the process, let me free of this misery called life, or give me something to live for. Please." She begged the words, looking hopefully to him from there on the ground.

[mystic;]

vasco::

Something changed. Lilly was completely submitting, not even caring about her life. She wanted to die. I shivered, as the rain was cold now. I crept closer, lowering my body to the ground. I nodded, saying nothing. The look in her eyes was so desperate. She'd given up. Completely given up. I didn't want that. I was close enough to hear her breathing, feel the air move toward me from her shallow breaths. I stared at her for a long moment and then stood. Waiting for her to join me. More than anything, I wanted her somewhere safe. After that, then maybe I could work on the trust issue. If it really mattered after this.

[Lexi]

Lilly's breath caught in her throat. For a moment she really though he was going to just kill and and she closed her eyes, waiting for some devastating force. But it never came. Looking up she saw him standing over her with genuine look in his eyes. She had hope for a moment, hope for life and she stood up. Not speaking a single word, she stepped forward, walking alongside him with her head held low. The rain, dripped down her forehead down the bridge on her nose to the ground. She trotted slowly by his side waiting for some warm place to just pop into vision.

[mystic;]

vasco::

Lilly followed by my side silently. Neither of us spoke. I could see her from the corner of my eye and I glanced at her every now and then. I turned ahead and began looking. It wouldn't be far now... then I saw it. There was a slight dip in the ground that led into a small underground cave, located under the boulder we were walking toward. The cave wasn't that deep, but it was just below ground level. The massive boulder made it hard to locate, but I was familiar with it.I stopped as we approached it, bent my head down, and found the hole. It was like a tunnel. Inside, I could already tell it was dry. The rain wasn't heavy enough to spill into the cave. I glanced at Lilly and then disappeared into the hole, crawling until it opened up into a small den. I stepped away from the tunnel and waited for Lilly.

[Lexi]

Lilly smiled slightly when the cave came into view. She couldn't tell it was a den at first, but as they got closer, she could see it clearly. As Vasco crawled into the tunnel and dissapeared under ground, she tilted her head. Lowering her nose to the tunnel, she sniffed it, as if trying to tell if there was some danger. Then she lowered her body and squeezed into the hole, down the tunnel until it opened up. Glancing at the male, she sniffed out the little den and then curled up into a ball just off the back wall. Laying her head in the dirt, she didn't sleep, but rather inclined her eyes to look up at Vasco, wondering what he would do and wondering in the back of her mind if he would stay.

[mystic;]

Vasco::

I watched Lilly warily. It surprised that she actually followed me in here, but then that sad memory- the picture that flashed through my brain of Lilly obviously giving up- it made me shudder a little. I sat across from her, as far away as possible in the tiny space. There was only three or four feet of space between us. I watched her, and she stared up at me. "I can leave if you want...just say the word and I'm gone..." I said quietly, wincing inwardly at the very real possibility that she might. How could I leave her here now? She needed someone. With Reagan gone, who would watch over her tonight?

[Lexi]

Lilly was silent, she didn't say a word as she didn't want him to go. She didn't really want him close and curling up around her, but she wanted someone with her. He was the only one around. She sighed and curled up wrapping her tail around her body and buried her nose into the soft fur. Closing her eyes, she dared herself not to dream, not to hve those memories come back or she would just go crazy. It scared her to be alone, she'd always had her son by her side. Thinking back she could barely remember the days before she'd gotten pregnant with Reagan, all to Vasco's thanks. She was never lonely with him around but she was now, and seeing as this male who had hurt her so bad in the past was the only one here, she'd just have to put up with him.

[mystic;]

Vasco::

I muttered in Spanish and sighed, curling up opposite of her. "¿Qué he hecho yo?" I watched her as she hid her face in the thick fur of her tail. It was quiet, except for the rain pelting the rock above us. I lay my head on my paws and wished there was something I could do. Something to change the past. But, of course, I could not go back, I could not change what I had done to this innocent female. I couldn't make it right, and I couldn't ask her to forget. I could only let her hate me, hate what I had done to her. Could she ever trust me? I stared at her, not caring if she noticed. I mean, what could it do? Make her more scared of me? I doubted that was possible. As I stared, something changed. Something had been changing already, and I could tell now.

I knew I could not live if something happened to her. I would not survive if she left, if I never saw her again. I wouldn't; I couldn't. I had no right to love the victim of my former life. And yet, I was 95% sure I did. When I watched her, I was content, yet torn inside for knowing what I'd done. But I wanted to make it up to her, no matter how feeble my attempts could be. More than that, I wanted to protect her. Against anything; everything.

[Lexi]

Lilly shivered in her sleep, whinning slightly. She wasn't dreaming the normal horrible dreams that she dreamed before, yet dreams of the future, which scared her. She'd let Vasco in and genually loved him in this dream, they loved each other and raised a litter of pups together as a family. But something happened to him and he was gone, that was the cause of her whinning, a sad lonely whine. She was so upset in this dream that she'd lost the one she loved and curled up tight in fear or what was to come. Her eyes shut tight and the tip of her tail shuddered back and forth. Could she really end up loving him, trusting him like that?

[mystic;]

Vasco::

As I watched her, Lilly's dreams seemed to change. She was whining and squirming. My heart ached. I stretched my paws toward her and inched a little closer. A soft whine escaped my lips and I wished I could do something. I could only assume she was dreaming of me. I was hurting her again. If I woke her now, would she only be more afraid of me? If I curled around her, she would wake to find me there and be angry with me, or scared again. But would it help the dreams? I could explain if she woke. I inched closer again and slid behind her, laying close enough that she would be warmer in the chilly cave. Her own body heat warmed me as well. I didn't lay my head over her like a mate would. I simply laid beside her, head on the ground.

[Lexi]

Lilly felt the warmth surround her and the shivering stopped. Her body relaxed and she leaned slightly backwards against him. Her eyes flickered open slightly just enough to make out who it was. She was almost releived to see it was Vasco which surprised her. Saying nothing, she simply laied her head back down and closed her eyes, slipping back into a pure darkness with no dreams at all. Just feeling him close made her feel safe, and it felt like that was all she needed right now. Someone close to make her feel safe.

[mystic;]

I felt Lilly move closer to me, just a little. I stayed very still until I felt her head rise off the ground. She felt warmer, and finally stopped shivering. I was glad that she was warm, glad that I could finally do something to help her, in any way. Lilly laid her head back down, and I shifted my weight a little. She wasn't running. Finally. I felt a sliver of hope. Maybe now I had some sort of chance. "You looked cold..." I whispered, explaining myself. I lifted my head just a little so I could see her. "If you want me to move..." I wished desperately for her to show that she need me around, or maybe even wanted me there.

I couldn't deny the feelings I had for Lilly anymore. I didn't want to. I was almost afraid to let them go, to let her go. How could I let her leave? I mean, I would never force her to stay, despite whatever I forced her into in the past... I could never, ever make her stay here. But if only she wanted me to stay with her. If only she felt this...chemistry.